|
|
|
January 10th, 2009
01:00 pm - No Happy Girls
When I was a little kid, my dad had this joke he'd play.
Whenever I was in a good mood, Dad would say, "Hey Katie.. see that sign over there?"
"Where?"
"It says No Happy Girls Allowed."
"What? No it doesn't!"
"So there better not be any happy girls here. Or else Captain Bob might come."
Captain Bob. He was the enforcer of that damn "No Happy Girls" rule. GOD, Captain Bob pissed me off. Why'd he have to keep us little girls from being happy?! What was his issue with happy girls?!!
"Careful, Katie," Dad would say. "Better make sure not to look like a happy girl."
"But I'm happy!"
"But there's No Happy Girls Allowed!"
Eventually, when I was seven years old, I was fed up with Captain Bob.
"Hey Katie," Dad said, "see that sign? It says No Happy Girls Allowed."
"I don't care," I said, or something to that effect.
"Better be careful, then, or Captain Bob will come."
So I beat Captain Bob up. I grabbed the imaginary oppressor and started kicking him senseless.
"Oo! Karate!" Dad said, watching me.
I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I did my best karate kick. I was wearing a nightie with a panda on it. I looked silly. But I kept beating up Captain Bob until I was exhausted.
"I chopped him up into sawdust," I told Dad.
"Poor Captain Bob!" said Dad.
That made me feel sorry for Captain Bob. To this day, any time one of my parents says "Poor [insert someone's name here]", I feel sorry for them.
So I brought Captain Bob back to life and let him go home. But not until he promised he'd never do that No Happy Girls rule again.
|
January 9th, 2009
09:10 am - What it means to be a Cancer born in the year of the Pig
Commentary in italics as per usual.
The self-starter of all time, this person could live on a desert island, rise at dawn, say his prayers, prepare his tea, wash up, go to the rock that serves as the office, slave for fourteen straight hours, come back to his grass shack, prepare himself a huge feast, eat it, say his prayers, lie down under the palm tree and start again the next morning. Okay, WHAT?? That is SO not me. That's ALL wrong. The desert island part is wrong, the saying prayers part is wrong, the working for fourteen hours part is wrong, and dear LORD how could I have my internets in a grass shack?? Integrity is a word invented to describe Cancer/Pigs. Um... yeah... I never cheat or lie... They are whole, complete unto themselves, and require little other than fawning admiration, unflinching affection and obedient devotion from others. Queen Katie requires her toes licked. Get on the floor, bitch. That's an exaggeration. Cancer/Pigs are utterly generous and charitable in the extreme. And yet they demand your constant devotion or else there is hell to pay. But they do like things their way and generally one way or the other see to it that the wheels turn in the direction they dictate. *frown.* As far as love is concerned, they demand unflinching fidelity and are willing to return the favor - in spades! Sex is an everyday affair for this lusty creature whose ferocious sexual habits would make the Marquis de Sade blush blue. Well, I guess I can't argue with THAT...
Famous Cancer Pigs - Ernest Hemingway, Henry VIII, John D. Rockefeller...AUGH! Why does it have to be people I *HATE???*
You can do it too: http://www.suzannewhite.com/new-astrology/CancerPig.html
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://piktures.deadjournal.com/mood/fire4ice/sporkies/happy.gif) rats!
Current Music: Ludo - Love Me Dead
|
December 17th, 2008
12:52 pm
Things I Will Miss about Living at Ian's House
1. Ian.
2. The hot tub.
3. All utilities paid.
4. Being by myself and not having to rely on anyone else.
5. Being able to do all my private, shameful activities with nobody around.
6. Being able to hit the Snooz button as many times as I want.
7. The koi pond and waterfall outside.
8. Plastic drawers.
9. A computer in my bedroom.
10. Being able to watch TV until I fall asleep.
11. Not having to do my dishes since I have the kitchenette all to myself.
12. Ian waking me up from my naps.
13. Did I mention privacy? Privacy's a biggie.
14. Being able to go crazy with emotion without fear of being judged.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://piktures.deadjournal.com/mood/fire4ice/sporkies/sad.gif) mourning
|
December 15th, 2008
10:42 pm
This was the hottest thing I've seen all day.
I wanna be in a singing group where I get to wear a princess dress.
|
November 10th, 2008
01:08 pm
One carefully waited out week after the (incredibly awesome) Something Positive reader gathering, I got an email from a guy I met there. Here's what he wrote. (I censored his name out of respect.)
---
I'm the **** you met at the Something Positive event, not the **** who used to be your student. I was just reading the last few days of XKCD and it reminded me of how cute you looked in the black hat.
I don't know much about you, but what I do know (you have a good sense of humor and you are smart and cute) makes me want to know more.
Could I take you to dinner sometime? Say, Saturday?
---
Sweet, isn't it? Has nice compliments. It would take a lot of courage to just ask someone out like that... so how was I to respond?
"I never get ego-boosting emails from girls asking ME out," Spam said.
"But that's because they're too blown away by how hot you are to muster up the courage to talk to you," I explained.
"Who is this guy? I'll kill him. Here - let me write to him."
"Hey!" I said, and he took over the computer. He started a letter to him. It said:
---
Oh no you don't! She's MY girlfriend and I don't need thinner, more attractive men flirting with her!
---
"Don't send it!" I said. "I want to handle it." So I deleted Spam's and started my own. Here's what I ended up sending:
---
Hi ****! Thank you so much for this email. I really enjoyed getting to know you - you're a very charming guy! However, I should make it known that I'm already in a relationship, so letting you take me out to dinner might not be the best idea. I'd still be down for hanging out as friends, though! Lemme know.
---
"How would you feel if you got this letter?" I asked Spam.
"I wouldn't feel bitterly rejected," he said. So I sent it. Soon the guy responded with this letter:
---
Friends sounds good.
Re:Charming. Thanks
I agree dinner would be a bad idea. I wouldn't have asked if I had known you are in a relationship. I will let you know if any hangout opportunities happen.
---
What a champ. I did like the guy, and I wonder if we will end up ever hanging out.
|
November 4th, 2008
01:16 pm
This is probably the best ad placement ever.
(Copied and pasted from dictionary.com)
bigot
Vote Yes on Prop 8 to Protect Traditional Marriage. Learn More.
ProtectMarriage.com
8 dictionary results for: bigot
big⋅ot
/ˈbɪgət/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [big-uht] Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.
|
November 2nd, 2008
03:20 pm
Rockband on Halloween!!
Left to right: Ian as The Spy from Team Fortress 2, Spam as Dr. Horrible, and yours truly as Mary Poppins.
|
October 29th, 2008
01:38 pm
GOD SHALL DAMN THE HATERS INTO ETERNAL DARKNESS.
(so vote no on prop 8!)
|
October 13th, 2008
October 3rd, 2008
08:45 am
"That was a weird train of thought."
"What was?"
"I was just thinking... Katie sure is good at making people feel loved and appreciated. I wonder if she could turn that into a profession...? Nope, bad idea."
"You wanna whore out your girlfriend, honey?"
"No. Hee. But you would make the BEST whore."
|
October 2nd, 2008
11:01 am
I'm going to make sure my children end up both eccentric and multi-talented.
That way, if I ever have a teenage daughter who falls in love with the boy who can juggle on a unicycle that she met at art camp, she'll be able to serenade him with a wicked banjo solo.
|
September 21st, 2008
10:33 pm - Huzzah! I love this meme.
Rules of the game:
- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group
I choose Frank Zappa!
01. Are you male or female?
Valley Girl
02. Describe yourself.
I'm So Cute
03. What do people feel when they're around you?
Motherly Love
04. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Broken Hearts are for Assholes
05. Describe your current relationship.
Love Of My Life
06. Where would you want to be now?
Any Way the Wind Blows
07. How do you feel about love?
Wowie Zowie
08. What's your life like?
Absolutely Free
09. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny
10. Say something wise.
Don't Eat the Yellow Snow
11.) What do you want to do/be in the future?
Eat That Question!
12.) Describe your home life.
You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here...
13.) What would your last words be?
What Happened to All the Fun in the World?
14.) Describe your car.
Cozmik Debris
15.) Describe your style.
You Are What You Is
I hope everyone who reads this journal does this meme too! I'd like to see yours!
|
September 19th, 2008
11:16 am
I seem to have come up with a possible solution to the nightmare problem. Last night I meditated before I went to bed, during which I addressed all the problems I have that I'm scared of, and I acknowledged my feelings and let them wash over me, not letting them get a hold of me.... that's what the Buddhists say you're supposed to do. Last night my dreams were significantly milder. SO maybe that actually works.
I didn't even have to listen to Hildegard.
|
September 18th, 2008
10:25 am
Every night I have nightmares. Every morning I wake up afraid of the world, or ashamed of myself, or both.
|
September 16th, 2008
09:58 am
I don't think I've ever read a book that contained a romance, where I actually believed the romance.
I mean, I consider myself a romantic and all, but something about putting a romance on paper just takes every relateable aspect of it away.
That's probably why I can't stomach romance novels. I mean, I can read a book with romance IN it, but not one that's ABOUT romance. I prefer the book to be about something else.
|
September 14th, 2008
06:15 pm
It occurred to me last night, after hanging out with Sarah Campbell, that I know... a LOT of girls named Sarah.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
Sarah Campbell, she plays the ukulele.
Sarah Beebee lives in London and shops at Bravissimo.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
Sarah Airriess wears cute hats and rides a bike.
Sara Benedetti joined the Navy and then got married.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
Some of them are Saras, but most of them are Sarahs.
They all have different hands, and they come from different mums.
Sarah Gillham plays a lot of WoW.
Sarah Barb was a reliable designated driver.
Sarah LaVoie, we lost touch thirteen years ago.
Sarah Frank, I don't know her that well....
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
These are the Sarahs I know I know, these are the Sarahs I know.
Some of them are Saras, but most of them are Sarahs.
They all have different hands, and they come from different mums.
(to the tune of this song.)
|
September 12th, 2008
10:37 pm
"I guess I can just taser her, then - not like that'll do anything."
"Well, she IS pretty tough."
"Yeah- that, and the taser doesn't do ANYTHING."
"It would be fine on civilians!"
"No! It wouldn't be fine on civilians! IT DIDN'T WORK ON. A. DOG."
"It would work on civilians!"
"BUT IT DIDN'T WORK ON A DOG!"
"It wasn't a civilian dog!"
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"
"IT WAS A SUPER DOG!"
|
September 4th, 2008
09:10 am
Daniel came home from PAX on Monday, and Dad came home from China yesterday. Daniel and I spent a day together on Tuesday, where we went out to lunch and he taught me how to play Magic the Gathering. I was relieved to find out it wasn't as hard as I remember it being in elementary school. Dad and I have yet to spend time together, but I'm sure we will soon.
Daniel and I have a LOT of fun plans coming up. While Daniel was at PAX, he realized he'd love to play in an RPG with me, so he asked our friend John to run a D&D game. He agreed, and since then I've been combing the Player's Handbook trying to decide what kind of character I want to be. I am SO EXCITED. I haven't played D&D for three years at least... what should I play? So far I've played a half-orc monk, a dwarf barbarian and a human druid. I'm thinking a cleric of destruction or a necromancer wizard.
Also! Next saturday I'm taking Daniel to his first Opera! Mandy told me that I should go to the Opera at least once while I'm still handicapped, so I can get Orchestra Wheelchair seating. Best advice I ever got. We got Orchestra seats for *TWENTY BUCKS*. That's virtually unheard of if you're gonna see an opera. Most of the decent seats are at least a hundred. We're seeing Howard Shore's "The Fly", which I have to say, DOES look pretty cool (and the clips of it don't sound like the same kind of bombastic epic music that played during the LOTR movies, which is a plus.) We're probably also going to see Carmen later this season.
|
August 29th, 2008
10:39 am
"We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort."
It's true what they said on the Daily Show. Every time Barack Obama speaks, an angel has an orgasm.
|
August 28th, 2008
03:53 pm
Random news:
-I've been tutoring the Durkan twins weekly since August, which is nice because i've missed them a lot. But what's aggravating is that they are constantly late - we're talking like 15 minutes to a half hour late. That's a long time to sit waiting on the porch, reading. And last week they both forgot all their books and papers even though i stressed the importance of bringing them... and THIS morning Abby ONCE AGAIN forgot all her books and papers even though I CALLED HER THIS MORNING to remind her as she was having breakfast. So frustrating!! Why does she have this weird mental block? oh well... I ended up staying another hour to give her extra help on her book reports, which means another $25 for me, so hey.
-I've been following the Democratic National Convention. It's getting me really pumped, but there's still that part of me that's scared to hope too much. The last two election years felt like horrible disasters when I had hoped SO hard that the dems would get a win. And wouldn't this be a great year to finally win??? When we have a candidate who is SO attractive (in every sense of the word?) If Barack Obama is the next president, I am throwing a HUGE party, dressing up in American flags, blasting the national anthem and doing all sorts of crazy patriotic shit. (I'll get Emily's help - now THAT girl knows how to throw a party.)
-If I hadn't got into my accident, I'd be flying to England right now. This thought makes me sad. I wonder what Krys' wedding dress looks like. I bet she's a knockout... I feel like such a freakin' chump for not going.
Also! Since it's the very end of this post, I will now share my
Daniel got a JOB OFFER! A REALLY GOOD JOB OFFER!!!! I love my baby so much!
|
|
|
